Vira

watermoss @ 2007-07-07T10:52:00

2007-07-07T14:56:47Z

Urgh, I feel gross. I think I got some extra sleep I really needed, so now I am rested enough that my body thinks it has time to get sick. I hate how that always happens. And I was going to be super productive and unpack the last of the boxes in the livingroom today. well, maybe I am not sick enough to get out of that. but I don't feel up to the kitchen; not enough drawers & cabnites = real headache unpacking.

I think everyone should come see my new place. I like house guests.

I've got a love-el-ly new apart-a-ment...

2007-07-04T14:35:46Z

the new apartment is so nice! it is sunny and cool with a nice cross-breeze if we open the livingroom windows and the sliding door to the porch. soon we will be all unpacked and then it will be so homey. really I had no idea how much better it was going to be then the old place until we got here. I feel like I am going to start some sort of song and dance number about how nice life can be when you live in Red Hook.

last night we got fresh vegtables at the farm stand and walked to the IGA for pasta and pesto and made the best dinner ever. today we are going to try to put up some posters and other decorations, and hopefully spend some time with people. I like people.

hmmm...if I didn't know better I would think that I might be happy.

in other news, we are compleatly and totlay failing to buy a wii. we keep trying, but every store and every website we would acutaly give our money to is out of stock. apparently every time they get a shipment in they all sell out on the same day. still. so no zelda for me yet, but we have the money all put aside so as soon as we can find one for sale, it will be ours. and then it will be curtins for you, Ganandorf!!! ha ha ha ha!

watermoss @ 2007-06-17T10:15:00

2007-06-17T14:27:13Z

my hamster died. she was old, and it was her time, but I am misserable anyway. I didn't think having her around was makeing that much diffrence in my life, but now that she is gone the appartment seems really empty and lonely. everytime I walk by her cage I glance in automaticaly to see how she is doing. I didn't even realize I did that until she wasn't in there.

must...not...kill...boss

2007-05-22T17:31:38Z

This is interesting. It is 1:30 and my boss has neither come in nor called in. Shiv said something about him going down to the city sometime: was that today and no one told me? normaly when he does this it is not a big deal, I just close the shop for a few minutes to get some lunch and actualy get some work done since he is not bothering me. but today I was suposed to WORK OUT MY NEW SCHEDUAL!! you know, so I can plan things like when I work at my other job, when I can see my parents, weather or not I am coming to work tomorrow.... This place is so disorgamized that it might acutaly be a hazord to the mental health of the costomers. It really will make my head explode any minute.

3...2...1...boom.

watermoss @ 2007-04-26T19:14:00

2007-04-26T23:15:23Z

I wana know if I got the job!!! I hate waiting!!!

one down two to go

2007-04-25T16:00:06Z

We have an apartment!! it is amazing and perfect and beautiful and in downtown red hook, walking distance from everything. we are signing the lease tonight even though our move in date isn't until july 1st; I think the landlord is nervous that we are going to change our minds at the last minute. so I do need to come up with first and security RIGHT NOW, but other than that everything is perfect. ::does a happy dance::

so now I am just working on the job and the seminary program. I should find out this week about the phantom gardner. my fingers are crossed so hard that its cutting of blood. I can't express how much I want to work in a greenhouse. I don't have a garden of my own, so I want to borrow theirs and get paid for it!! If I don't get it I don't know what I am going to do, since I have sort of stopped applying for other jobs because I want this one so much, and my hours at Dharmaware are getting cut way down starting in the next couple of weeks. But it will all be fine. yet it will. ::thinks positive::

ok, back to doing nothing and trying not to compulsively check my email to see if they emailed me about the job yet. love to everyone.

livejournal magick

2007-04-20T18:43:21Z

ok everyone who loves me, I need a favor. my whole life has been reduced to waiting; waiting to see if we got an apartment, waiting to see if I got a job, waiting to see if I got into seminary. I have gamboled everything on the hope that the answer to all of these questions is yes, and now I am just waiting to see. I know I should be doing some magick to help it all come out right, but I have no evergy left. I am frightend and stressed out and can get my spirituality moving. So if you could, everyone I love, just send me some good thoughts and loveing energy. I need a little boost to get through this. sorry to have to ask it, but it would be a big help to me.

thank you thank you thank you.

watermoss @ 2006-11-11T23:33:00

2006-11-11T23:33:47Z

I think I feel worse than usual about posting at work now that we had that company meeting about productivity and staying focused on dharmaware while were are on the clock. but really, I have nothing else to do right now. I am not closeing for another hour, but there are almost no costomers, I am the only one here so I can't go do stuff in the office or in storage, and I have done every scrap of work I can think of in the main shop already this week, inculding giving the behind the counter area a cleaning like it hasen't had in at least five years, maybe longer. dust bunnies the sixe of eyeballs. really. ugh.

I know I haven't posted in a while. I actualy have started to really feel the lack of a computer; it is like I am missing a sence. it has taken over four months for me to really miss havng a computer, but it finaly set in. I think part of it is that I spent most of those four months depressed, and I am only now really starting to come out of it. don't ask me what changed; it was probably all chemicals or something. its not like I am eating better or geting more exercise or sleep or anything; if anything I am takeing worse care of myself. and it is not like I am not barely scraping by money wise, or like I have stoped really missing everyone; those things just aren't makeing me missrable.

at the risk of sounding discustingly cheerful, I think I will make a list of everything which is awsome in my life. feel free to skip it.

-I am aprentaced to a jewler. I spend lots of time burning my fingers and geting silver dust up my nose, and I shouldn't get an MRI since my eyes might explode; they do that if they have any metal in them.
-people are actualy taking my class on Wicca. I had four people for october (although one of them didn't show up because he got lost and drove around for three hours in the dark; I feel really bad about that) and I have two more for the november class.
-I am preforming a marrage in december. like actualy legaly turning two people into one couple. its really cool, although at the moment we haven't actualy writen the cerimony sice the couple in question might be the bussiest and most spacey people I know. oh well, I can always ad-lib; if it bothers them then it is their own fault.
-I made a swaeter. a real honest to god sweater. it is too tight across the chest and too baggy in the armpit, but it is recognisably a peice of clothing. and I have learnd to make crazy many colord patterns. and I am going to be payed to learn to dye wool.
-game is awsome. I never suspected I would like STing this much. everyone really likes our game, and no one is board dispite the fact that we have two STs for fiffteen players. it is so much fun I want to start a table top so I have somehting to do on the non-vampire weeks. my mother says that I should figure out what it is I love so much about running a game and do something which involves that for a living. she also says that she thinks larping is a really healthy social activity (my mother is a therapest) and that more people should do it. I love my mother.
-peter is learning to cook. I think this is awsome.
-torchwood. if you are a Dr. Who fan and don't know what I am talking about, go look it up. it is awsome (althogh I admit I have only seen one episode so far)
-I can do magick again. for a while I just couldn't, but now I can and it is great.

ok, this is only a partial list, but It is already really really long and I am suposed to be working. oh well, I guess this is several weeks worth of missed enteries.

watermoss @ 2006-10-19T18:58:00

2006-10-19T19:21:16Z

I really need to stop doing all my livejournaling at work. it makes me feel obscurly guilty.

have a headach again. I have been getting one nearly every day for...two months? two and a half? can't be three. everytime I have finaly gotten so fed up I decide to go to a doctor they go away for three or four days. its really frustrating. I know I should just go, but I can't help thinking that either they will tell me it is nothing, in which case I will have waisted a buch of money I don't have, or they will tell me it is something, in whcih case my part time job and no health insurence will mean that I woun't be able to do anything anyway, so what is the point. I supose they might tell me it is something simple like my eye sight going which I could actualy do something about, but reading for hours doesn't seem to make things worse, so that probably isn't it.

it is probably just stress. that would also explain the nightmares and moodieness. I don't really know why I would be stressed; money is actualy getting a lot better, and there arn't any major eventis or anything to get me all stressed out. but something is clearly wrong with me, between the headaches and the fact that I started crying while reading peoples livejournals as work. luckaly there wasn't anyone in the store at the time.

but really things are going well. I am actualy teaching my class on the history of Wicca on monday, althogh only to two people (three if you coun't haviland). I did the hard part of getting ready to prefrm a marage in december, which was sending off the application form for the one day licence, so now all I have to do is write the cerimony with the bride and grom. I can write rituals in my sleep. dharmaware has been giving me more hours, I am semi-apranticed to a jewler who might pay me to sell her stuff online, my kniting has been selling, and I might get paid to help some people in woodstock dye their hand made wool, so money is looking much better. so what have I got to be stressed about? but my head still hurts...

oh well, back to work. and by work I mean sitting here doing nothing since by boss left for the day without leaving me any projects, and there are almost no costomers today. maybe I will play more online games....

watermoss @ 2006-10-13T17:10:00

2006-10-13T21:10:45Z

I just want to say that I am having a really lovely day. I think I might be actualy happy today. it is a really nice feeling.

once again I am posting from the computer at work...

2006-09-25T17:00:46Z

I actualy don't even know if my boss would be mad at me for using the computer for this. two of the other people who work here don't have a computer at home and come in on their days off to check their email, so it is probably ok. except that I am doing it on the clock, when I should be working. but of course I have nothing to do....I have made one sale so far today. one. for $10.

I can't stand this. I am compleatly out of anything productive I can do on my own, but it is not like I can go home, I am the only one here today. so I sit here playing around on the internet and feeling guilty that they are paying me more to be here than they are making in sales. and I know that as soon as my boss gets back from the city we will have to have a talk about my hours, and how I will have to have less for the next couple of months. after a couple of months it will be cristmass season, and then my manager will go to india for four months, so my hours will be back up again. but that only makes it worse; how am I supossed to live for the next two months if I can't even really get another job, since I probably wont have time for both come december? not that I will actualy work enough in december to be comfortable. I don't know, maybe I can find anouther job that will be compatable with this one enough that I can work both permanintly; I sort of doubt it. my expearance with pannara was so horrible, I never want to work seven days a week again, but I don't know how else to juggle two jobs if this is one of them.

so now I have complained about money for quite long enough. sorry, it is just really stressing me out, and I keep thinking that if I explain it to enough people it will start making scense and I will figure out a solution. I guess I am just so frustrated by not haveing anyone in real life to talk to about my problems that they all come out here.

I should go actualy work now. maybe someone will buy a hat! that would be nice.

I'm so nauty, posting at work...

2006-09-23T17:59:02Z

ok, so my maneger might come back any minute, but I have so much to say I will try to do this quick.

peter still has my computer, so I am a little out of contact with the world. I miss everyone so much; I am doing a little better with the hole being lonely thing, but I still have no really close freinds here. oh well, give me time.

I think my bad headachs for the last month are because I am far sighted. I have just discovered that I can't see anything within three inches of my nose at all. this scares the crap out of me; my grandfather had a degenerative eye disorder and was legaly blind by the time he was 30, and he scared me a lot when I was little, so I have always had this deep fear of going blind. I need to find the money to go to an eye doctor and get reading glasses.

watermoss @ 2006-09-10T23:16:00

2006-09-11T03:19:07Z

ok, I know I am only posting to whine and feel sorry for myself again, so I will be nice to all my friends and just say this;

I am board and lonely and everyone else is doing such interesting things with their lives and I'm not. poo.

maybe I will run away and join the circis. its too bad I have no skills.

watermoss @ 2006-09-07T22:49:00

2006-09-08T02:56:29Z

I sold a hat today!! I don't know why, but the very idea of selling things I have made makes me happy. Its like I am receaving money for somehting I really did, something tangable which can be mesured and touched and hopefully enjoyed. It makes me want to make lots more things.

summers ending, and I am really glad. I am always lazy in summer, lazy and hermit-ish. I just want to be alone and not do anything. Now I can feel the seasons changing I suddenly have lots more energy to do stuff. or at least I did for about four days before I started getting sick. but I hope that soon enough I will have lots of motivation to get my life together and feel like I have a purpose again.

watermoss @ 2006-06-14T14:48:00

2006-06-14T18:54:58Z

have...no...energy.

don't know why, I got a good nights sleep last night, but I just can't seem to wake up all the way. so far today I have read my book and done about half the dishes. thats all. I know I should be good and finnish the dishes, so some laundry, go to the fitness center, do some yoga, ect. but I feel like someone sneekily replaced all my mussles with wet noodles and my brain with oatmeal. maybe I can convince the boy to go for a walk, but I doubt it. once he locks himself in the office for the day it becomes rather difficult to extract him.

I do love the boy rather muchly, but it would be nice to see someone else for a while. you know, just for a change. seeing people go by out the window don't count. :)

maybe luch would give me energy. since I seem to just be rambling there is really no reason why I shouldn't go make lunch happen reigh now. yes. go. come on wet noodles, activate or something!

watermoss @ 2006-06-11T17:08:00

2006-06-11T21:18:17Z

SO, I just got a call from the owner of Dharmaware, and I agreed to come in on tuesday to start training. he wanted me tomorrow, but I figured I needed a day to do all the stuff I have been puting off in favor of the job search. It is strictly on a trial bases to see if I like working there and if I am a good match for the store (or reading between the lines, to see if he likes me). This has been the most unprofessional hiering prosses ever; he never even wanted to see my resume, he heired me entierly on the basses of an interview conducted informaly next to the cash regester during bussy bussness hours. and the recomendation of a former employee, I suposse, since Haviland has been pushing pretty hard for him to hier me. I hope I can stand up to his high expectations. I hope I can just role my eyes and laugh at all his excentricites which Haviland warned me about, like thinking that only a woman can do things like steam the clothing and dust. well, I guess it is really a trial for me too. I just have to keep remininding myself that I am actualy capable of this and I am just showing him that. yes, I can do this.

Warning; Really long emotional rant, feel free to skip

2006-06-11T18:13:45Z

I think yesterday was a really productive day. It is a little hard to tell, since if I decide not to take the job in wookstock then it will actually have been a wasted day. I think I am going to take it, but some part of me is oddly reluctaint. Maybe it is the commute; but that is silly, 15-20 minutes is not long, I drove 20 minutes to school every day for six years during high school. But the whole car pooling thing with Peter is just so hard, and gass prices, and the environment....

Or am I just making excuses because I'm scared of the job? why else wouldn't I be jumping at a more interesting job which pays better. $10 an hour to work for an excentric hippy in Woodstock selling buddhism related merchandice vs. $7.25 to work for a corperation in the mall selling crap should be a no brainer. yeah the Woodstock job would be paying me more because it is more work, but that just means it is likely to be more interesting. and Haviland really wants me to take it, since I would be right next to her and working for her old boss so we can hang out and gripe about him and stuff, but I am still not sure.

Maybe it just worries me that Haviland doesn't like him and alway found him difficult. I can tell he would be demanding, hence the more work and the better pay. I am more patcient and forgiving, than Haviland, so maybe I wouldn't have so much troble with him. and it does pay better. but if I wanted to stay on in the fall I would have to get a car, so maybe it actualy pays worse.

But I would at least feel better about myself than I would if I was working at the hanaford or the gass station or something like that. I think I would really feel like a failure and a dead beat if I did that. Peter gets mad a me everytime I say that, basicaly acusing me of being arogent and stuck up and asking if I think all the people who work there now are failures. It always makes me cry becasue I don't think that of them, I just would think that of me, and maybe means I am arogant and stuck up. It makes me feel like a crappy person, but it doesn't change the way I feel about the job. And I think everyone besides Peter feels the way I do; the look Haviland gave me when I said I was even considering working at a grocery store makes me think I would be too ashamed to atmit it to her if I did decided to work there. My parents would be relived I was earning a pay check but probably mad at me for making them pay for Bard to wind up in a job like that.

Damn, I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do. I don't want to work at the mall and feel grose and corporate and like I am reinforcing a discusting mataralistic society, I don't want to work at a grocery store or a gass station and feel like I am at the absolute bottom of the social ladder and a compleat failure, and I don't want to drive to woodstock and have to get a car and do my part to hasten the energy crisis just to be emotionaly beaten by an old hippy. But I need to work somewhere starting sometime next week if I want to keep my expensive apartment.

and to top it all off I am really lonely and wish I had some friends. even Kat the yonger is going away for a while, so I am really all alone. so here I am, driving all my friends crazy by writing really long livejournal entries because I have no one real to talk to. Sorry.

watermoss @ 2006-06-08T14:22:00

2006-06-08T18:32:38Z

I hate job searching. I know everyone hates it, it really sucks, but I think I let it get to me more than most people. Which is no one's fault but my own. But damn, it would be nice to get through a day without crying.

had the most spictacular dream last night, all about heroes with sowrds and magic and love and polygamy. and you know when you are in the middle of a great dream and you wake up and you just want it to keep going, but it slips away? well, for some reason this one didn't; it just keept playing in my mind while I went about my morning. I had a quite breakfast, brushed my teeth, and sat down and started painting for an hour, and it just keept going and going. it was amazing. I think I could probably get it started again with minamal effort if I wanted to . its a pitty I am a crappy writer, it would make a great fantasy noval, although possibly a little over influenced by Robert Jordan and Final fantasy X. and Terry Goodkind, and Mercadies Lacky. Well, the bit with the boats and the floating buildings was original at least.

hmmm, this is turning into a way to avoid filling out yet another application. Damn panera and their desier to know about every job I have had in the last seven years, attach additional sheets if nessesary. Why can't these stupid chain stors just accept a resume, why do I always have to fill out their application? pooh.

Whoa! I'm posting!

2006-06-07T17:30:22Z

So, lonlienss has finaly driven me back to livejournal. It actually only took me this long because we didn't have internet in the apartment untill yesterday. And we still need to get a router so that we can both be online at the same time, so I am not going to be on that much.

It only took me about a half an hour to get through the last three weeks of email. I mean the last three weeks of spam; I don't check for three weeks and there were only three messages I actual cared about. I mean really. three out of over three hundred peices of spam. I need a new email adress.

So yeah. The job search is going. not well really, just going. I have had a couple of interviews and handed in even more aplications, so I will probably settle on something eventualy, but I am not really excited about any of the jobs I am looking at. I suposse right now I just need a regualr pay check, and I can worry about enjoying my job later. hmph.

Everyone else seems to be doing such a great job taking care of themselve that I think I am inspred to go do yoga. yes, that is what I will do; I will absolutly not go play final fantasy X. right.

watermoss @ 2005-08-05T18:16:00

2005-08-05T22:20:55Z

havent done the livejournal thing in weeks. don't know what happend. oh well, if anything significant has happend to any of you, you will just have to tell me about it directly and make me feel loved. :)

so, freshmen move in tomorrow. thinking about it has been making me lonley for...well everyone. can't wait to move back to cruger. can't wait for people I know to come back on campus. well, with any luck I will meet some totaly awsom freshmen who will be my friends forever and ever. or at least hang out with me for a few weeks.

watermoss @ 2005-07-11T19:46:00

2005-07-11T23:51:56Z

finnished final fantasy 3. AWSOME. *cough* *hack* ::chokes to death on own dorkyness::

ok, I am rediculs, but it made the problems in my life seem smaller. After all, it could be worse. I mean, I could be fighting to save all life on earth from an efeminate madman. really puts things in perspective.

had a dream last night that my boyfriend was a wizard-bird thing, like howle. he was vary squishy. must remember to get one in real life. I will put it on the life ambitions list right after senior project, and right before save the world from efeminate madman. and learn to spell should go on there somewhere, I supose.

well, must close gym. ta for now

watermoss @ 2005-07-11T15:35:00

2005-07-11T19:34:49Z

its too hot. stop it right now.

watermoss @ 2005-07-10T17:06:00

2005-07-10T21:12:03Z

the boys coming and going was almost ghost like this time. almost no ripples in my life or emotional state. it was nice to see him, I had fun, the end. I wonder what that means?

I saw howl's moving castle. really liked it. must read the book now. lawson, did you say you own it? if so I would loooove to borrow it. the movie inspired a varity of strange but compelling dreams last night. I very much want someone with more talent than me to turn them into stories or movies or something so I can expearance them again. I guess that is one of the perks of having talent; you can create what you want to expearance.

bought books for my senior project today. I am now the owner of a little pink book on witchcraft. some part of me feels bad about purposly buying bad books, since it might incourage the authors to write more. that sounds really mean, but some of these books are soooo bad! if anyone ever wants a giggle you can stop by and I will show them to you.

watermoss @ 2005-07-08T15:55:00

2005-07-08T20:45:34Z

I feel like crap. I didn't get nearly enough sleep last night (although for a very good reason; wearwolf rocks) and I am exausted. I had to do two tours right in a row, in the rain, so I am soaked and I can't change until I get of work at eight o'clock. I didn't have time for lunch, but I can't tell if I am so hungry I feel sick or so sick I don't feel hungry. but peter is coming tonight, and he is bringing me dinner at the gym. hes so sweet.

watermoss @ 2005-07-07T07:49:00

2005-07-07T11:55:42Z

so, not going to vt this weekend. I'm prety disapointed, but I didn't really have high hopes. I have to work until eight on friday, so travial is too hard and to expencive. :( why does everything have to cost money?

in other news....ok, there is no other news. I watched the cowboy bebop movie last night, and it made me happy, but that is the extent of the excitment and action here on planet anna. it does feel a little like I am in a diffrent world from everyone else. A really quite one where you can feel the hours creeping by and the mail take a day longer than it should. sigh. but I am really looking forward to the possible warewolf game tonight, I really hope it happens. I have never actualy tabletoped (sp?) before, and am oddly excited. (I am such a dork)